So I'm standing across the room from where Jeff and Lily are sitting, flanked by the bride's maids and groom's men. About a hundred and thirty people are looking at me and I'm completely and utterly terrified.

I adjust the mike and say "Ah" and it echoes around the room.

I can see Jeff and Lil watching me, and I rub my finger around the top of the glass I'm holding, and I take a deep breath and I plunge in:

"I've known Jeff and Lily for a long time now, and I've gotten to watch their relationship grow, almost from the beginning. I can't think of anything to add to what they said earlier today, except that I think they're two of the most wonderful people I've ever met and I know they'll have a long and happy life together."

I manage to raise my glass a little.

"Congratulations... you two wacky loons."

People laugh and salute and drink and look away, and I give a big exhale, right into the mike.

So my car just hit a light-second. I was driving back to work after getting lost on my way to a computer store and the odometer slowly ticked over to 186,284 miles. Light travels 186,284 miles per second. I pulled over and took pictures.

No, really.