So Michael Huffington has finally conceded the California senate race to Dianne Feinstien, three months after everybody else in the state has gotten on with their lives. Huffington made news nationally at the time of the election by:
- Having a wife that looked exactly like Ivana Trump, but with bigger hair.
- Having a wife who was formerly a member of a cult.
- Having a wife who, from all reports, is a lot smarter than he is.
On such issues do California elections turn.
The election was the most expensive in senate history, with Huffington dumping piles of his own dough into his campaign. When the initial results came back, he refused to concede, stating that the whole shebang was invalid because of "massive" voter fraud. Even in his concession speech, he said that he still believes that's what cost him the election.
After reading about all this in the paper the other day, I thought, well, of course he's claiming something cost him the election. He can't say that he just wasted $28 million of his own money because he's a melonhead.
"Mr. Huffington, you just wasted $28 million of your own money. Why do you think you lost?"
"Uh... The sun got in my eyes."
But it turns out he's right. It turns out there was voter fraud in the election. The crack Entirely Other Day investigative team has uncovered evidence of at least one fraudulent vote that was not only counted, but counted in favor of Mr. Huffington's opponent.
The crack Entirely Other Day investigative team uncovered this evidence because, of course, they cast the vote.
Now, when I think of voter fraud, I think of stuffed ballot boxes and thugs with axe handles and (obscure UCSD joke here) the RIMAC referendum.
But it turns out that it's illegal to be registered at an address where you don't live. It turns out that any vote cast under this mis-registration is invalid and any invalid votes counted in an election constitute voter fraud.
How about that?
Every vote I've cast in my life, near as I can tell, has been fraudulent. I'm registered at my parents house -- it's where I send my important mail -- but ever since I turned eighteen I've either been living at school or in La Jolla or in Manhattan Beach.
I've committed voter fraud, and, melonhead or no, Mike Huffington caught me.
I sorta wanted to take back that Dukakis vote anyway.