An Entirely Other Day

Code, nerd culture and humor from Greg Knauss.

Being, Nothingness and Sixteen Gallons of Unleaded

Apr 24 1997

So it's late and I'm standing outside my car in what has to be the single most wretched gas station in the entire world. While a lot of local gas stations have seen fit to try to perk themselves up lately -- what with flowers and clean, soapy water and bright "We Get It" signs -- this depressing little wad of concrete remains firmly mired in the get-away-from-me-I-hate-you camp. This is the "Blade Runner" of gas stations. It is the barren, post-nuclear wasteland of gas stations. It is the Sartre of gas stations.

But I need gas.

I swipe my credit card on the pump and, as instructed, "BEGIN FUELING." But while I'm waiting -- my hands in my pockets against the cold -- I notice the little LED display change.

"HEY, LOOK UP HERE!" it says, scrolling soft blue letters across the fifteen character screen. "THAT'S RIGHT, HERE."

Of course, I look around to see if there's anybody else the pump might be talking to. It's a reflex, gained after years of enthusiastically waving back at total strangers. But, nope, I'm the only one in the station.

Is this a prank? Is it the cashier? Is it -- and this is an inevitability in LA -- fodder for some embarrassing Dick Clark/Ed McMahon TV special? Or is the stupid thing just pre-programmed?

"THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS SMILE," the pump offers. "LIFE'S TOO SHORT NOT TO ENJOY IT!!"

It seems to know that I'm not smiling. Or maybe it's just making an assumption based on the fact that I'm pumping gas late at night in this desolate hell. It could say, "YOU JUST STEPPED IN GUM" and be right, too.

And so I counter with my opinion of the pump's philosophy -- carefully factoring in the surroundings and my state of mind -- and that pretty much proves that the message is pre-programmed.

Because otherwise it would have said, "HEY, SAME TO YOU, PAL."

Text Version

The EOD Press Release

Apr 15 1997

"AN ENTIRELY OTHER DAY" RE-LAUNCHES; MILLIONS REJOICE

LOS ANGELES -- April 15, 1997 -- Long-time Internet fixture and persistent annoyance "An Entirely Other Day" re-launched today at its new URL, www.eod.com. This watershed event in the history of Web-based publishing was greeting with the distribution of a press release. Created by noted bore Greg Knauss, "An Entirely Other Day" is a series of short stories chronicling random, pointless events in the author's life. Experienced in full, each EOD almost exactly simulates being trapped in a corner at a party by that guy who always has stuff stuck in his teeth. Favorite EODs include "Women. Sheesh" (eod.com/women.html), "Flashback #3" (eod.com/flash3.html), "Memories of Milky" (eod.com/milky.html), "On the Bink of Madness" (eod.com/bink.html), and "At Play in the Fields of the Lawyers" (eod.com/lawyers.html). The move to www.eod.com has been eagerly anticipated by the seething human tide of rabid Entirely Other Day fans, all of whom could probably stand to get out more often. "I've received dozens of letters asking me about the re-launch," said Knauss. "They were all in one message, of course, but there were dozens of them, along with some spaces and punctuation, too." Over the course of its two years of existence, the original EOD site garnered almost universal praise. Suck raved, "Consistent wit and wisdom!" InfoWorld cheered, "#1 Most Amusing World-Wide Web Site!" The Net exulted, "Aesthetics: Poor!" "Insofar as the re-introduction of 'An Entirely Other Day' is a watershed event, an important cultural landmark, I try to think of myself as little more than a vessel for the Zeitgeist," Knauss pretended to say while writing this release. "Plus, I'm not wearing pants."

For more information, please contact Greg Knauss (greg@eod.com).

Text Version