Their innards had exploded, stiffening and expanding until their bodies cracked and gave way. Foaming muck splattered the walls as a perfect inverted T split them from end to end. They never stood a chance...

Most people cook; I have episodes of "The X-Files" in my kitchen.

If you ever get the bright idea to stick some sodas in the freezer so they'll be cold in time for dinner, you should make sure that you remember they're there before you head off to bed. Because otherwise, you're going to spend the next morning slopping root-beer-scented goo off of the frozen peas.