I hope to be a powerful player in the music industry someday. I want to manufacture a boy band. They'll be wholesome and lovable and sing in syrupy harmonies and hold every fourteen year old girl in the country under their vaguely sexual but entirely non-threatening spell. Then, once I can guarantee that an entire demographic segment will sing the words to their next hit -- at home, at school, everywhere -- they'll release a destined-for-number-one ballad, an ode to lost love called "If You See Kay."

How long, do you think, before anybody notices?