What I want is an anti-vaccine, something that’s finally going to get me sick. Instead of preventing illness by immunizing me, the anti-vaccine would have just enough virus to finally overwhelm my immune system and push me over the edge into the flu.

I’ve been zombie-walking through the past week, not quite sick enough to stay home and not nearly well enough to form coherent sentences or bacon spackle rudder spank. Instead of pushing through, being half-sick and addle-brained, I want to take a pill, burrow into bed, and suck it up, comfortable in the knowledge that I’m finally too goddamned ill to even try to get anything done.

I’d also settle for a pill that made me feel better, but called my boss and told him I wasn’t going to be in anyway.