Every year, Pornhub releases aggregate information about what the people who visit the site search for, and breaks it down in various ways. And you thought statistics was boring.

For instance, they produce a map of the United States with each state labelled with the term used by residents of that state more than any other. This allows them to exclude generic queries like “pretty lady” and “dildo from se7en” and “someone who looks like Winona Ryder from, like, 1990 or 1991, but not in a creepy way,” which I assume is a search that everybody does. What they end up with is a view into the frankly upsetting predilections of specific geographic regions. Really, Wisconsin? Really?

Except that a bunch of states on the map are grey, and have no labels. These are the governments that have implemented age-verification policies that require porn sites to collect information about visitors — Pornhub blocks those states so it doesn’t have to maintain a database of its users. These laws are always justified with a hearty “Think of the children!” but require that everyone who visits give detailed information about themselves, including adults.

Good thing data never leaks or is hacked! Ha ha!

Luckily, the statisticians here at EOD Labs have done extensive research into the deepest psychosexual desires of these Pornhub-less states, and have been able to produce reliable data on what the people who elected these governments would have searched for, if they had something up their ass other than a stick.

I think Alaska also searched for “trump” but they just edited it.